Originally Posted by whitewolfokc
I loved them both, but asking me to stop my love for one has torn me apart enough that I dont know that I can stay with her.
I learned the hard way. You can still love someone whom you can't stay with. I got a double dose. First we separated, and then she passed. I can surely say that we cannot be together, ever in this life; and that I love her still.
I had to leave her for the pain that being together caused. I have since learned how to handle some of the issues that tore us apart, but she has left the scene. Take the advice of your counselor, and listen intently to the heart of your spouse. Women have trouble expressing their feeling with words, but you know they are having them. They live for the feelings. The words don't say what they really feel, so you have to try to read her mind, and understand the feelings. It isn't easy at all. If your counselor isn't giving you instruction on how to speak feelings to a woman, get a new counselor.
I am not even there, and this is what I "hear" that you should say:
"I know you are feeling uneasy about our poly relationship, and feel frustrated because I am paying less attention to you and the children. It makes me feel very unhappy when you retaliate with separation(or anger) and upset everybody. I want the best for all of us, and I would feel much better if you could communicate when you are feeling left out or troubled."
You might not want to use the "feeling" word as often as I did, and you will find it difficult to use it at all. You are a man. You think, not "feel."