View Single Post
Old 12-28-2012, 01:10 PM
Becca Becca is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 113

Originally Posted by DavidJ View Post
Could I donate sperm to a friend? Apparently not! The reason she gave was that if I did, I'd still be on the hook legally as a parent and that would involve time and financial responsibilities.
That actually depends on where you live, and how you donate (through a clinic as opposed to using a turkey baster).

To the OP-- before you let your thoughts spin off in a million directions, you definitely need to talk to them. If your girlfriend is 35, she may have already made the decision that she doesn't want to have kids.

Really, everyone ultimately has (or ought to have) the right to their own reproductive choices, so I understand that this is something you might not feel comfortable bringing up. It also makes sense that with all the compersion you're feeling, you are embarrassed to confess to this one area where you feel jealous. My best advice is to try to forgive yourself for feeling jealousy-- it is normal and natural to feel that way, and does not mean that you have failed to evolve to the perfect poly person, or that you are flawed, or that you don't love these people deeply. It's okay to feel it.

Consider, maybe, that because this one area (having kids) is sort of it's own little emotional arena, your brain might be dumping all of your jealousies and insecurities into this field. That is, you might be having much more intense feelings about this issue than you otherwise would, because it's the venue for you to express all the little anxieties and concerns that crop up when you see the people you love focusing on each other rather than you. That's okay.

I really just think that if you give yourself permission to have your feelings, to experience insecurity and jealousy and anxiety, and work through them, they won't have so much control over you.

And talk to your loved ones about this. Present it as: "I'm so happy that this relationship is growing between you, and I'm not really having much jealousy at all, especially compared to the happiness that I'm feeling, but there is this one area where I feel insecure and I want to talk to you about it and see what your feelings are."
Reply With Quote