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Old 12-28-2012, 09:50 AM
amk amk is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 26
Smile Anne, you're right.

Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
I'm just throwing out some random thoughts...
You're attracted to Laura, you don't mention (unless I missed something) that Laura and Greg have an open relationship in a sexual way? Even if do are there's a lot of steps between that and anything else.

You may be latching onto Laura's empathy, and desirability, and her being flattered that you want her, to bridge the gap you feel with your wife right now. If what you want is to see about dating Laura, and your wife doesn't want to date Greg... maybe you should start the discussion from there, and figure out what your possibilities are.

Basically I'm getting the impression you may be courting trouble because you are really upset your wife won't act patient and be more considerate, which is understandable but I think you may be on the verge of deciding it is easier to make rash decisions that may benefit you instantly instead of making sure you and your wife hash out her desire to make decisions that benefit her vs what benefits both of you, and to decide if your relationship still makes sense long term.
I agree with your analysis. I was latching onto Laura and I'm sure she sees it (she's perceptive). After having read my posts, she corrected me and stated that since she committed to her husband, they have not been poly. I misinterpreted some of what she had told me previously. Also, I don't have intentions to initiate anything with her or anyone else because you are right, it's trouble. I really don't want to even talk about anyone specific for my wife or I right now; I am not ready. The last thing I want to introduce into this situation is dishonesty, direct or omission. My wife knows I am attracted to Laura. Laura knows too, but I don't want to mess up our friendship. I am vulnerable and I know that equals trouble, too. I could easily fall into a situation with Laura because of my attraction and her position as the understanding and caring party in the absence of that at home.

I also recently came to a "lightbulb moment" of understanding: I was confusing swinging with polyamory. I thought having sex with other people outside the marriage was polyamory. Now, after reading alot of other people's blogs, posts and stories, it suddenly hit me that polyamory is so much more than just sex!

That's why everyone was like "a foursome is a bad idea to start!". I didn't get it, but now I see how if that's not what my wife wants, I shouldn't be upset. I also just realized that polyamory is not always sexual, it can be romantic friendship or dating that never includes sex. When I realized this, I was really taken aback. How could I have been so short-sighted!

In addition, I have ordered Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. I also wrote my wife a very hopeful letter in which I ask her to read this book with me (I titled it my "state-of-the-husband address" - I know, not I hope she is receptive, our communication is pretty screwed up at the moment. I want 2013 to be our best year yet.
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