From Worse to Better Days
After a fairly rough week leading up to Christmas, my wife and I had a very enjoyable Christmas Day. Christmas morning was the typical onslaught of wrapping paper, coffee and my wife and I enjoying the little bit of magic that is left for our 10 year old (he's not sure he still believes).
I spent the day preparing our feast and later, Laura, Greg and the whole family came for dinner. Dinner turned out wonderful (Laura brought half the food/desserts). Unfortunately, everyone was sick (this has been a nasty winter for illnesses in the Northeast US) and tired from the day's events which put a damper on the evening.
I had an extremely bad night at work both because of work and because I was having trouble turning off my neurotic brain. I was lucky, Laura was still awake and messaged me back and forth for several hours. I had been feeling very dejected- like giving up and just running away from all of this. My wife really hasn't been terribly attentive to me and that's been tough to deal with. Laura helped calm me down, give me perspective and even made me laugh here and there.
During the conversation, it came up that I had been using this site for both research and as an outlet. Laura asked to see it and I was hesitant. These are some of my most personal thoughts, some of which are about Laura. After some deliberation, I let her read it, but I almost immediately regretted it. I was very embarrassed. Nonetheless, Laura read everything and encouraged me. She said I shouldn't be embarrassed and that she appreciated learning more about how I feel.
I guess in a way it was nice to have someone that knows me read all these things I've been feeling and thinking for the past month. It doesn't hurt that she's giving me some attention (innocent and friendly) while my wife is ignoring me.
I'm going to call last night an overall good night. I'm in a better place tonight and I'm not dwelling on the negativity. I still have thoughts of just running from all this, but I am going to stick around and figure it out.
Last edited by amk; 12-28-2012 at 05:34 AM.