Thank you both for your advice. Talking is definitely in order. She had always identified as a lesbian, so there was no intimate contact with males, which has now spawned this next series of talks. She has never expressed the desire to have children of her own, but as we all know, your feelings can change over time and over years. I just didn't want to be the bad guy or the third of triad not on board with something like this if it were to arise.
I agree that the decision to fluid bond on their end needs to be put on hold. I absolutely love children. Our youngest is 7 months, and I know that I am not ready to commit to raising any children but the two we already have right now or anytime soon, and I can say in my heart of hearts that I would not be supportive or genuinely happy for them. I really cannot explain these feelings. It is more than just being too soon to bring another child into the world. It is more than the fiscal responsibility and the lifelong commitment to being a parent. I handle things like that well. Once I figure out I'm feeling and why, I can probably elaborate it more. I do know that I like the idea of genetic monogamy, GalaGirl.
Are DH and I done having children? I cannot say. There were talks of a vasectomy prior to our son being born, but it was not written in stone. I'm only 32, and I may wake up in a few months with the desire to bring new life into the world. I am not having a tubal ligation anytime soon. The idea was presented, and though, I know it is reversible, it is still a major procedure. I prefer to hold off until we agree for sure that we are done having children.
I absolutely do not want to make the choice for her. It is her body and her choice, but I would be living a lie if I said she had my support on something this major. I'd rather have the hard talks now than wait until something happens and then be forced to deal with the aftermath and choices. I don't ever want to be the reason someone contemplates terminating a pregnancy or anything like that. Major talking in our home tonight.
Once again, thank you!
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Mr. Grey - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.