Just finished a rather long and productive conversation with my husband about us and our son. Also since someone asked, the oldest is eight and we have an eighteen month old as well.
I found out a major part of his problem with therapy for our son is that he has been diagnosed with several different disorders since kindergarten and invariably the next professional the school demands we see or his pediatrician recommends will declare the last diagnosis was clearly wrong because he is really this other thing. Sorry about that run- on sentence. He doesn't have anything against this particular therapist. She is focusing on the behavior issues, and emotional and social skills and not worrying about the underlying cause until our son can see some successes first.
I have done a lot of thinking about what I want from myself, my husband and life in general. I explained to the husband everything I have been thinking about and concerns I have. He was willing to listen and was rather emphatic that he does not want to lose me. One of my concerns was that he was looking for a way out. We have talked about separating but neither of us want to do that. He finally agreed to work with a counselor about how to deal with our son and the strain our marriage has been under because of those problems.
As far as our friend is concerned, we have not had a chance to talk with her yet. But I asked my husband if he had ever heard the term polyamory and explained that it is a blanket term for several relationship dynamics that involve more than two partners. I told him I would be willing to consider the idea but only after we get our shit together with our family first. The particular friend that he is interested in is one of the few females I could have a more involved relationship with so depending on how conversation with her goes, something may develop eventually, just probably not yet.
After that talk, we may not be on the same page for everything yet, but at least it feels like we are in the same book. That sounds very final, but I don't plan on just disappearing. I do think that we will eventually try having a relationship with the friend. We've been together almost 14 years and he misses the intensity that a passion based relationship can offer.