I think the point that people are trying to make is that you have a very clear role in mind,and you are hoping to meet someone whom you can fit into it, into the sort of situation you want for yourselves -- rather than simply being open to meeting people and letting the relationships develop according to the dynamics, wants, and needs of all three of you.
For example, what if you meet a woman with whom you really hit it off, have a great rapport and attraction in all ways - physical, intellectual, emotional - and she gets along with your wife and is totally into having a relationship with a married poly man, but she has no desire to have children? Would you say, "Thanks but no thanks" to someone who could really be a wonderful partner in all ways but that, just because she doesn't want to give birth? When adoption is a possibility (and one of the noblest, loving things anyone can do), why have her womb be part of the deal? Your possibilities will be very limited with such a narrow focus.
See, it's always better to look for the person who is right for you, not the role or configuration for someone to be inserted into.
Last edited by nycindie; 12-27-2012 at 05:25 AM.