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Old 12-27-2012, 05:18 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,896

Originally Posted by Raeiy View Post
As a sexual abuse survivor I'm perfectly at home with the fact that sex is an issue for me. Not that I have a problem with it or that I have flashbacks or panic attacks but based on what I know of sexual intercourse and the average relationship between people my age, and this may be skewed, but I require a MUCh higher level of commitment, attention, INTIMACY in order for me to be comfortable enough for any physical intimacy. And maybe that means I'm not as over the abuse as I'd like to think, and I'm fine with that. Something I've got to work on, no shame in it. I can become aroused easily enough, something that's always been a bit of a problem, whether I was in a relationship or not, still is, but coming down to the actual practical applications, the making out, the touching, if the relationship is lacking in some way I just completely shut down. I've been in a situation where I ignored what my body was telling me for the sake of the guy I was with and it was absolutely and completely awful and nearly set me back a whole year's worth of progress.
I just wanted to say that you are not alone here. It is quite okay to require whatever level of "commitment, attention, INTIMACY" you need in order to be comfortable. In my experience, most relationships are "lacking in some way" - they are always a "work in progress", there is no "perfect". My current endeavor is to "allow" myself to feel what I am feeling "in the moment"...and then allow myself to NOT let it go further if I am not ready. (Which, for me, requires some cooperation of some very understanding partners).

I wish I had some more insight for you, but this is still a "work in progress" for me...

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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