When I was working as a therapist in an outpatient counseling clinic, we made it a point to spread out our clients with BPD among the various therapists because they were soooooooooo demanding and challenging! Basically, BPD develops around age 2. Thus, the "all or nothing", thinking...the "black and white" thinking...."you're all good" one moment and "you're all bad" the next moment type of thinking. The "throwing tantrums" one moment, and being sweet and adorable and utterly appealing the next....just like a 2 year old! I don't know about you, but I have no desire to live around someone who is an indefinite "terrible two" in an adult body!! Can they improve? The prognosis isn't good. If I were going to consider involvement with someone with BPD, I'd want it to be AFTER they had made changes. Not "before" or "during". That would be like saying an alcoholic or addict really WANTS to change or be different, but.....until they do...the chance for a healthy person in a healthy relationship isn't good.
The time and energy drain on anyone involved with someone with BPD is tremendous. Your SO can try and set limits and boundaries to the best of his ability, but it's typically going to be an ongoing challenge. I just can't see someone with BPD being a good partner, particularly in poly relationships. It might have an appeal to THEM because they can divide themselves back and forth among partners to survive. But, I don't see how it would work very well for any others involved.
As for DBT.......the therapist typically has to make themselves available at all times at least early in the therapy. What does that tell you about how demanding it can be to interact with a person with BPD even when they're in treatment??!!
Last edited by dragonflysky; 12-27-2012 at 04:54 AM.