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Old 12-30-2009, 02:58 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by Ravenesque View Post
It should be encouraged that those who lie at the center of privilege and normativity step out of their comfort zones to understand that which is different from them. It is a regular occurrence for those who on the margins, for those at the periphery, to make the trek from their comfort zones the majority of the way in order to be accepted. "I'm different, let me learn the normative language and mannerisms you know and teach you to accept me." This is not acceptable. At the very least there needs to be a meeting in the middle now.
THIS! The part I bolded is one of the hardest concepts for people who don't experience the margins to understand. That was just worded so beautifully I'm going to have to steal that.

I lean towards the progressive and radical. I do not see the merit in seeking to conform or create a new version of the normative or orthodox way for polyamory. I do see great possibilities in different ways of living being accepted and not persecuted.
I agree with this entirely. When we create an orthodox or a new normative paradigm, we're merely shifting where the weight of the oppression is lying, not undoing that oppression. We end up having to change our own definitions to fit the more normative ones, which doesn't really accomplish understanding. An this is why I find it more useful to reclaim terms for our own experiences. While the intent of conversations like this may be to build bridges of communication, the effect is trying to make a non-mainstream identity to conform to a more mainstream one and that causes problems all around.

Damn, I'm glad you're here!
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