"As to the yes/no questions ... she hasn't even told me whether she thinks I'm attractive. Or whether she wants to do things with me. They are her-specific."
Huh. And you've asked her straight-up? Obviously I couldn't say whether she's into you in that way; if she won't or can't tell you, you'll have to wait until she can figure it out for herself.
Based on the kissing and holding hands you mentioned (Post #3
), she must be into you a little. Based on the information so far, I am guessing she is in the process of making up her mind about how deep this into-you-ness goes, and hasn't come to a decision yet.
What about you and your husband? Any major obstacles in that relationship?
I hope we can be of some help.