Have you heard the word polyfidelitious?
I will bow to Gala girl for advice on managing your emotions (as I regularly go to her blog for advice on managing my own).
But, I thought it might be of benefit to you to know-that there are many people who are poly (they love more than one) but closed.
I prefer a closed dynamic myself. I find the "what if" to be overwhelming at times even in a closed dynamic. LOL!
So-don't beat yourself up for not being poly in SOMEONE's way.
You love two-ok. That's good.
You don't want all of the autonomous freedom that some people practice. Ok, that's good too.
It's like kink:
some people have marriages that are kinky.
Some prefer their marriage to stay vanilla.
Nothing wrong with either.
If you want a more poly-fi, closed dynamic. That's ok.