Instant reactions - unmasked expressions
I'm very expressive and I react quickly. Damn it all.
Saturday before leaving for Twitch's surprise party I dampened the mood between us accidentally. I was pretty sure I had ruined what I was hopeful was going to be a very nice evening for us. I hate that. It can happen so quickly, and Twitch isn't the type to let you back away from a first reaction. He holds that and won't listen to you that you may have reacted in such a matter, but upon further thought and consideration that you wish to reverse your response.
This time it wasn't so much that as he read my reaction wrong. He put meaning to my reaction that wasn't correct and then had a hard time letting it go and being okay.
We were finishing our wedding thank-you's and we had come to Orville and Shasti's. We were going to send two separate thank-you's even though it was a joint gift. Twitch suggested that I write Orville's and he Shasti's. My face clouded over and he was upset. I was thinking, oh, geez, that's going to put me in a bad light with Shasti. I had intended to write her a thank-you note in September, but ran out of time with all of the wedding stuff. So, I was already feeling like I really owed her a thank-you. Plus, we'd just come back from her big birthday bash and again, I felt the need to thank her for including us (me.) Twitch thought my emotion was jealousy and he was upset that it seemed I'd never be past that emotion when it came to her.
Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people with a poker face. And while I'm wishing for "ifs and ands" I wish my husband would allow me to back myself away from those instant reactions and not hold it against me when I'd give anything to erase that moment, because it truly isn't always the truth.