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Old 12-26-2012, 03:27 PM
Petunia Petunia is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Talula
Posts: 647
Default It's all about you and me, baby! Oh, and them, too...

It's hard to let it fade and accept that this is how life works. ("it" being that total absorption in one another)

My husband was driving home yesterday and he seemed so distant. I think it was more perception on my side, than true behavior on his part. Although, he did spend Christmas Eve texting a new interest. I remind myself that:
1.) we were at my parents' and he's never very engaged when we're there;
2.) he was more engaged with everyone than he normally is when we're there; and
3.) I've been encouraging him to put more effort into building new relationships.

Every day behavior and lack of focus on "us" creates anxiety for me, because I do not want to fall back into our old ways where we really weren't concerned with what the other one was up to. I don't want to loose the tight connection the two of us have built, so now I'm hyper aware when his interests turn elsewhere. Days where he doesn't stop to touch me, or smile at me, or say something intimate/private to me are hard. Reminding myself that he loves me and that our connection is strong helps quiet my insecurities. I just wish they'd go away. I wish I'd quit feeling the loss, the threat. I need to trust more in the poly concept that if I take care to be a great partner to him that outside relationships won't weaken what we have. That a bit of distance and focus outside of the relationship is normal and healthy even in very strong relationships. It's one thing to know that, but it's another to relax into that.

I'm reminding myself that if he finds someone close by (as opposed to 2+ hrs away) that it'll be possible for him to see her without having to go for several days at a time. Yay, for normal life! Plus, if he is dating locally, then it'll give me more freedom to plan things with the men I'm seeing when he's working locally.

I'm also focusing on how wonderful and exciting it is for him to feel all of this new relationship stuff. I kind of screwed myself over by being jealous before, so now he's hesitant to share things with me. I want us to get back to our previous mindset. Back to when he first started seeing Shasti and I was so nervous for him and felt kind of parental with wanting her to like him and for things to go well. With him sharing his mixed feelings and hopes.

A couple of cool things about his new interest: she rebuilt a car engine in high school, she's really attractive, and she plays cribbage. The playing cribbage is something I think Twitch will really appreciate as I'm an epic fail when it comes to that. Small things like that remind me of why open relationships rock.

Last edited by Petunia; 12-26-2012 at 03:29 PM.
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