Exploring my desires
I'm a straight male in a long-term relationship with the love of my life. For all intents and purposes, we're practically married.
I fell into a polyamory situation quite by accident when I realized I had feelings for a childhood friend several years into my current relationship. I opted to be extremely honest about everything since I had cheated previously with a prior girlfriend and absolutely hated the guilt and damage that it caused. My current girlfriend was eventually okay with it, but the childhood friend moved on and I'm back to a very happy monogamous relationship.
My current girlfriend is still open to me having another relationship in the mix, but I'm not in any kind of rush. I'm really here to see if I can understand the psychology behind my motivations and desires. Notably, I go off the deep end when it comes to jealousy--extremely hypocritical--at least when it comes to other males. It's probably deeply-rooted insecurities of some kind, but I'm not exactly looking to fix that about myself as it hasn't caused any problems for me yet (I trust my girlfriend enough that it hasn't gone past a kind of joke and she's been fine with the way I am).