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Old 12-26-2012, 06:04 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
One of the best aspects of polyamory is that just because an intimate relationship ends or changes doesn't mean you need to eliminate that former partner from your life -- something that's sadly the social default setting in mono-land.

Setting up a positive "aftership" often requires some reconciliation and healing. But we don't have a lot of good examples of that for any kind of relationship.
I disagree with this as well. I've practiced monogamy most of my life and have maintained friendships with quite a few of my exes. I don't think the "social default" in monogamy is to eliminate every ex from one's life or villify them. Sure, a cooling-off period if the breakup was painful, but plenty of monos still remain close with their exes and get over any animosity that was there before the breakup. I've gone to weddings of exes, hung out with them in all kinds of situations, to the point where it's even sort of been forgotten that we were ever involved that way. Gee, and all that before I embraced practicing poly. I've met many mono people who have been open-minded and welcoming to the idea of former lovers remaining in their lives in a variety of ways.

It sounds like you are saying polyamorists are more evolved or mature about relationships than monogamists are, and I don't see that as necessarily true based only upon the fact that someone is poly. I can't stand that kind of holier-than-thou attitude about poly. It depends upon the individuals.

"Aftership" - ugh, just what is wrong with calling it a "friendship?"
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 12-26-2012 at 06:07 AM.
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