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Old 12-26-2012, 03:38 AM
DistantWindows DistantWindows is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5

Thanks for the welcome, everyone! Your thoughts and ideas were very helpful, and from reading some of the other posts on this forum I can safely say that I am not alone

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Since I am currently in a relationship with every (all both) person(s) I have "felt strongly" about, I am, obviously, not one to advise you how to "get over" someone. I think the general advice you might get here will be along the lines of "Enjoy your feelings for her, share them with your girlfriend if that is good for both of you...BUT, since the other girl would 'NEVER' go for a polyship, she is not a potential...if you care for her then don't pursue her romantically if you can't offer her what would make her happiest (i.e. NOT poly)"
This is definitely the truth and something to consider. And given the nature of my feelings I fear that we might not be able to be friends forever anyway, since we can't be more. Every time I am around her for any period of time it affects me too much.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
What kinds of thoughts do you play to yourself about this crush person? I mean, why the need to "get over her" and be free of your crush feelings? Are you sure it isn't the need to be free of your thoughts? What exactly is it about having the crush that is making you uncomfortable?

Although I am not sure if this was directed at my post I can speak to this concept. There is something fulfilling about just enjoying the feelings and enjoying the excitement and intoxication of being around this girl, in my case. If this doesn't hurt anyone involved and I am enjoying it, on the surface I don't see a problem with it.

I spent a few days with her this summer on an impromptu, unplanned weekend trip with just her (this wasn't something really planned... it just kind of happened due to some crazy circumstances) and while I suspected I had some feelings for her before, since that trip I've never seen her the same way since and my feelings for her reached a different level.

The issue I am having is that I want more and then it isn't so much fun anymore. If it is a crush and I just enjoy the feeling that can be fun, but I fear that I "moved past this stage" awhile back and before I knew it... it was quite strong.

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Just curious, why did you say this other girl would never go for it? Have you asked her? Sometimes people can surprise you. Also, it is sounding to me like you are envisioning a full-on triad with all three persons romantically involved with each other? If so, consider a V scenario where you have two romantic partners, but those two partners are merely platonic friends with each other. Just putting forth some of the possibilities here.

Alas, if it comes down to just "getting over" this person, I don't think there's any magical formula for doing that. Obviously if you can find distractions, that will help; also focusing on your primary relationship will help. But you can't have regular contact with someone and just wish away your feelings for them. Unless you truly know they're not a possibility?
While I can't be 100% certain she would never go for it, I feel that it is highly unlikely. She is far, far more conservative when it comes to relationships than I am. She is looking for one guy to marry, have a family with etc. I've discussed her ideal relationship with her. In fact, I probably know more about her long-term goals than almost anyone as we have become very close friends.

I've tried different strategies to get over her but if anything it has gotten harder. I do get the feeling that focusing on my girlfriend and putting this energy into our (very good) relationship will help, and that is the key.

In an ideal world, the triad relationship kdt describes probably would be the best scenario, but it would be tough to make it a reality given the above. But I haven't decided if I have ruled it out completely...

Thanks again. I am enjoying this forum so far!
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