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Old 12-25-2012, 07:57 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
So you do or don't want advice?
Because you ask for advice and then DEMAND we not give it.
*color me perplexed.... Reminds me of when I was a kid...
Doesn't perplex me. It's not the giving of the advice. It's the manner in which it is given and if that manner can be well received or not.

GSAS082612 did not share her preferences for HOW she wants the advice given other than as a poll. People have voted in the poll part. Right now it is 100% to end the relationship, which can be hard to digest.

Some have given additional comments taking a shot in the dark to try to help. Since no additional direction/preference for tone/focus area was given for that part of it, it cannot be helped that it will be a mixed bag.

In future, GSAS082612 could state how she would prefer the advice be presented so she can best receive it in her upset condition. People will either try to do so or not. (In her second thread she has given preferences for how the feedback could be presented. So good for you, GSAS082612, for doing that! I hope you use that skill also in talking to your polyship people.)

Since it seems like you talked to your polyship people... Was a satisfactory conclusion reached? Some kind of solution to try out for the next chunk of time to see if you needs are better met? For your sake, I hope so.

Don't be afraid to walk away though if your needs are chronically not met in this relationship and you are unable to thrive. You are an adult person in an adult relationship. You choose what you are willing to tolerate in return for your needs being met. Don't tolerate shenanigans. Nobody deserves endless nonsense and neglect!

On the reasons I put a "three strikes you are out" in my playbook for how I want to be treated in relationships is for two reasons.

1) If the other person is still on the same chronic issue and I've had to bring it up 3 times to their attention? It show's me THEY aren't seriously trying to mend that.

2) If I've had to bring it up 3 times? It shows ME my needs are still not being met. Prevents me from letting my emotional attachment to the person make excuses for their behavior -- them not being present and responsible in the relationship (oh, they are tired from work, they don't really mean it, etc) and override what is best for my long term health.

Again, I hope for your sake talking to your partners was constructive and led to a possible solution to try out so your needs are going to be met now. But if your needs are not going to be met -- do not tolerate shenanigans. You could start counting "strikes" there. I put my limit at 3. Maybe you put your limit at 5. But wherever it is you put it -- do have a limit!

Did you get all the feedback you needed from this thread? Was there anything else you needed?

Good luck to you in your situation! I hope it gets better for you.

Namaste,
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-25-2012 at 08:19 PM.
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