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Old 12-25-2012, 11:04 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
Option 1 - The Veto
To be honest, I don't think there's any such thing. Veto means "you cannot do this" - obviously, in poly, we cannot tell our partners what they can and cannot do. Essentially, what a veto really means is "I cannot be in a relationship with you, if you are in a relationship with her." Basically, you're giving him a choice. If you decide that this really is how you feel, I would put it across that way. This is what my girlfriend said to me and I made the decision to end it with my secondary. It took me a very, very long time to get over that and a long time to let go of the resentment - but, it was probably for the best and I do believe that now. Hopefully, if your husband decided to call it quits on the subject of her, he would also see that eventually too.
I think this is more like an ultimatum. Veto is an agreement-enforced "you cannot be with him/her". Some people do have those kinds of agreements, though what you say also applies: the partner could still decide not to comply with the veto (because you really can't force anybody do anything). To the end result, I'd like to add that the other option is also possible. While he could come to see that it was for the best to give up, he could also come to see that it was a mistake to make a choice in an ultimatum situation, or to choose the person making the ultimatum.

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
Women are absolute Mistresses of manipulation. I should know - I'm a woman and I only date women. ~laughs~
This is OT, but just wanted to say that, even as a joke, this kind of sexism makes me pretty darn uncomfortable.
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