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Old 12-25-2012, 04:02 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
And if she is poly, occasional loneliness is part of the price. Even on Christmas Day.
I would argue that occasional loneliness is part of the price of being human, a social creature. One problem with the way a lot of people do monogamy is they expect relationships to prevent them from every feeling lonely again.

By and large, I detect a lack of equity in this kind of discussion. Certainty of togetherness at some key times (holidays, birthdays, common vacations, events involving children) is part of the benefit of lasting relationships (AKA marriage, even if not certified by a piece of paper). Such lasting relationships have corresponding obligations as well, fair is fair.
Togetherness at some key times is not a certain benefit of marriage. Sure, it's nice, but it's not automatic.

My husband works out of town 10 out of every 14 days. He's frequently away during holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. It's just part of our lifestyle and we deal with it. We're grown-ups and we understand that life doesn't always go exactly the way we would like it to.

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
The thing is, if OP should ask for what she wants, stressing how important it is to her, and expect to receive what she wants...doesn't the same apply to the various partners?
There are two kinds of "I want" at play here. There's "what I want from you" and "what I want to do for myself."

"ask for what she wants" and "expect to receive what she wants" apply only to things she might want from others. They're under no obligation to meet her wants.

You always have the right to meet your wants to the best of the ability. You never have the right to insist on others meeting your wants. If their wants coincide with yours, great. If not, too bad, get over it.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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