Thank you all.
I am just breathing, taking care of myself and writing to my loved ones to thank all of them for their thoughts, good wishes and offers of help and support.
And crying. Lots and lots of crying.
Grief seems to trigger anxiety in me and I do find it difficult to deal with that. When Dad died earlier in the year, I found some herbal remedies that helped and made sure that I went running regularly. So I shall buy more of the remedies and will keep up my running.
Helps also that I have lots of friends around who are close enough to talk to about emotional stuff and that my work is a supportive environment for that sort of thing too. My work colleagues and I have supported each other through many deaths and illnesses among our families over the years.
And I am just accepting that I won't be okay for a good long time. I'll be able to function and do the things that I need to do but I just won't be okay. So I need to give myself a break and concentrate on the important things. Spending time with people I love, getting to work, taking exercise and eating well. Everything else can wait.