New to this mindset and seeking guidance
Hello everyone! I'm glad to have stumbled upon this forum, as I don't really know a suitable person to ask for advice about my newfound situation. I apologize in advance if my intro is too detailed; I just want to give a fuller picture for (hopefully) more precise insights and advice.
I am a bi-curious young woman and have been in a monogamous relationship with my straight boyfriend, L, for a little over three years, living together since only a few months after starting our relationship. We are very serious and plan on getting married. However, despite our relatively new kinship and young ages, we have been--and worked--through a lot of issues: cheating, two instances of me cheating on him in the first three months of getting together, one instance of him cheating on me one month into the relationship, and two instances of him kissing girls after over a year of being together, which was the hardest for me to deal with since we had already fessed up to and moved on from the early cheating.
Despite a rocky start, we were able to be honest, communicate, and figure out what we needed to change. I feel that we can get through anything together, and I hope that isn't dismissed as being young and foolish/cocky, because we are on a completely different wavelength than any couples we know our age.
Starting about a year ago I've gradually let L know about my inkling towards lesbian porn, and finally several months ago we got to a point where we would watch it together. This kind of forced me to deal with my unresolved sexuality; deep down I always knew I wanted to mess around with a girl, but had no desire to act on it since I was with L. I lied to myself about it for a long time, but it was too much for me to contain. At first he struggled with this and sometimes got jealous, but then embraced it and started suggesting a threesome. The idea was enticing but still stung a little, mainly due to my body insecurities, not at all because of any shortcomings on his part.
Now I've lost weight, and L moved on from the threesome idea to having a triad, because he doesn't want to have sex without romantic feelings, and neither do I. But I don't know if I want it as much as he does, and I'm worried that the idea appeals to him so much because he's let a fantasy go wild out of being dissatisfied with me. We're very open with each other, and I don't hold back from him intimately, but I don't know if he would even be consciously aware of wanting a triad for those wrong reasons, if that were indeed the case. We've talked in detail about what we would want and expect and we're definitely on the same page. We're so much closer after this. But I'm still scared that I'll end up getting my heart broken, even though I trust him and his (conscious) intentions.
Are there any words of wisdom to share? Has anyone been in the same situation that cares to share their successes or failures with a FFM triad and what contributed to those successes or failures? And how likely is it for a man to want to sincerely attempt a triad as a means to fix his lack of satisfaction in the bedroom instead of just breaking up?