View Single Post
  #3  
Old 12-24-2012, 02:13 AM
UpsideDown's Avatar
UpsideDown UpsideDown is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61
Default Longer story coming soon

...but I can get into a little more of it here. I take a long time to develop strong friendships, and the times I've fallen, even into a crush like this, involve close friends. I can count them on one hand and have fingers left over. It means I'm not particularly skilled at the whole breaking-up thing, but as I am still close friends (or married to) those other people, it means I have some rather decent "not being a dick" skills.

She and I did eventually decide we could be friends, regardless of what happens, and that while she's focusing on her primary relationship right now, it was important to her not to add anything else. She even broke up with other, more casual partners, in order to focus on the dude-she-lives-with and that focus may, or may not, take a long time (however, she thinks of 6 months as a long time, so hell if I know). She told me she'd be interested in honestly pursuing wherever this may go, at an undetermined time in the future, and I said I'd be open to waiting around for a while to see how that goes.

Metaphor I used was a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Disneyland. Once you know you're going, great...you head off, cross country to the park. However, especially if you don't know anything about the place, it's best to take a local with you, as there are people who live in Orlando full time, and they'll probably be able to give you advice on what rides and events you'd like, and which ones you won't. I don't want to live at Disney, and I have no grand plans to move there full-time. I do, however, hope that I get to go one day, and bring back a bunch of snapshots and memories to put in an album for later. Some people come back with full-on licensed costumes and a season pass, and some people come home with a tourist photo or three, and I really figure that this, if it happens, will be an over-all positive experience that I'd like to live fully and honestly in whatever shape it comes in. If I don't go on every ride and see the whole park, I'm okay because it's still more than I had before. (Note, this is said from the point-of-view of a SoCal native who was the "local guide" for my out-of-town friends, and I'm aware that there is a great deal of frustration that comes with the park, too. However, I also know it was never so interesting as when you went with someone who'd never been)

At this point we've kissed 3 times and held hands...all of which leave me in a middle-school-ish puddle of giggles every time. She is aware of that and thinks it's cute, and seems willing to indulge me. I did my required reading of "Ethical Slut" in college, and read "Opening Up" a few weeks ago...thing is, since we're not sexually involved and I'm not even sure (at my age!) what that would entail with a woman in my ideal world...I dunno...that might be a part of my disconnect.

I've been doing some reading here, and a whole lot of talking to my husband about this whole thing. He's straight, I'm bi with no real experience other-than-him to speak of, and he says he's content to stay mono while I do this as the compersion thing seems to be alive and kicking for him in a way I can't wrap my head around but appreciate wholeheartedly.
__________________
29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::
Reply With Quote