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Old 12-23-2012, 06:48 PM
Tamcat Tamcat is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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Updates, I guess, on my respective relationship situations.

After months of soul searching, talking to a therapist, my mom, and friends, as well as reading a lot on various related subjects, I've realized that at this point, I think my husband and I would be better off separating and I broached the subject with him about a week ago, painful as it was. I'm going to have to wait a month or two, but plan to get my own place, here in town so he and I can share custody of our son. I'm inheriting some money from my father, and have told my husband that I'll help him go back to school so he can get out of the job that he hates and get his teaching certificate, something he's wanted to do for years but we've never been able to afford it. I told him even if we split, I care about him and want him to be happy. I know this is still going to be extremely hard on all of us, but I am going to try to do my best to make it as easy as possible on me, my husband, and our son.

Things with my boyfriend have reached a tentative and uncertain truce. He decided he had to move, unable to find a job in his town and about to lose his apartment, and his new girlfriend (who he still hasn't met face to face yet- their visit fell through due to problems on her end) has offered him a place to stay with her and her roommates, and says she has a job offer she knows he can just walk into so he's planning to move in with her temporarily, supposed to move within the next few weeks.

I was pretty unhappy about this, for a number of reasons, mostly irrationally emotional, but also due to the fact that this girl has been extremely unreliable in the past (they've been friends for longer than I've known him, 3+ years and in the 3 times she was supposed to go meet him, something always went wrong on her end- she got lost and ended up in the wrong state 2 states away; she ended up changing her mind about moving to stay with him for a while back when she needed a place to live to get away from her abusive boyfriend and lied to him and didn't tell him she'd changed her mind for over a month; the latest, she got called in to work on of her days off, and then her car got stolen on the next day) and he seems to be putting a lot of faith and trust in her to move 4 hours away to her town, in with someone he's never met face to face and other complete strangers, and pin his hopes on a job he may or may not be able to get. I've held back on pointing a lot of this out, aware of the fact that this may very well be NRE at work and I think he would think I was just being jealous and I also think that this may very well be a case of him having to find things out on his own.

I tried walking away from that relationship twice in the last couple of weeks, and we spent days fighting or crying, and a couple of days avoiding each other before missing each other so badly drove us back to talking, trying to figure things out, trying to talk things out and meet in the middle and get past the overwhelming emotional responses that seemed to wreck us where this is all concerned and get back to a place where we're just- trying to put things on hold, trying not to push at things too hard right now or worry things to death and just be there for each other through the next few months when things are going to be so hard, with all the changes and upheavals in each others' lives.

So it's hard right now, for all of us. And I don't think any of us are very happy with how things are at the moment, but I'm hoping it will get better once we get through this awful, sad, painful part here. I do think my husband and I will be better off and happier eventually with us apart. I think it will be a more positive and more stable atmosphere for our son once we get past the grief and get our respective lives back together again. And I think that whatever happens with my boyfriend, me stepping back to focus on putting my own life back together while he works on his own is a good thing. I'd love to think he and I would end up together at some point, but that's not a possibility right now, and I need to move on and get my life settled and out of limbo.

And yes- doing my best to comfort my husband and especially my son about the loss of my dad. There are a lot of good memories there to pull from. He was a very good man, and an important part of our lives and I'm trying to take comfort in those good memories.

Last edited by Tamcat; 12-23-2012 at 06:57 PM.
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