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Old 12-23-2012, 02:32 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I just think this is interesting. You said:
Originally Posted by FreeSpirit View Post
After seeing how much it affected me, she decided to call off the physical aspect of that, just remaining friends, despite me insisting that she shouldn't let my emotions interfere with her bonds with others.

Now, I'm not normally a very jealous person, so it struck me unusual that this incident bothered me as much as it did. After quite a few hours of introspection, considering various things that could have caused me to be so bothered, I settled on my discomfort with him in particular as the primary issue. I didn't find the thought of her being with other friends, or even strangers, nearly as upsetting.

I do have some good reasons for being uncomfortable with this particular friend...he's proven repeatedly irresponsible and dishonest in the past. Though I enjoy his company most of the time, he grates on my nerves a lot, and I just don't feel physically comfortable with him. Beyond that though, I know he's a good person.
So, you did not like the idea of your gf being involved with this man who is a friend of yours, pondered why it made you uncomfortable, and concluded it was because in the past he was "proven" irresponsible and dishonest, and he gets on your nerves. You let her know and made it clear it was her decision, but she saw how icky it was for you, ended the sex with him, and you feel relieved.

My question (not just for you in this situation but for anyone) is: are these reasons enough to voice concerns and possibly put the kabosh on your partner's potential relationship? Sure, you knew him longer and better than she does, but were you assuming he had not changed his "irresponsible" and "dishonest" ways? Did you think she couldn't handle that? Did you discuss your concerns with him as well? Why is your discomfort a factor in who she should be with? I am not asking these questions as a judgment of you, but to further the discussion because, as a solo who may possibly run into situations where a SO might not approve of me, I do find the issue compelling. This is a murky area where it isn't really a veto but is pretty darn close to being a veto. How much sway should a primary partner have when their SO wants to date or fuck someone else, I wonder?
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