I really appreciate your response - I could've said it differently, the idea of being sexual in more than a twosome is terrifying for me unless I was friends with everybody, so I just wanted to encourage you to see that might be possible for her too. And of course you'd think she would react with as much aplomb as you are - people we love are flawed, so even though we hope they are as considerate to us as we are to them, sometimes they just can't be, of course ideally she reacts as well as you do, but we don't always get the same in return you know?
And Lord do I know how much turmoil sudden dynamic changes can bring. I was coming to suggest that maybe your local library had the book but even the Seattle King Country library system doesn't have it
I just wanted to add that besides being a great primer for deciding if and what open relationship style might work for you, I' wanted to say that even ten years after starting to explore polyamory I'm still referencing it. I think it's probably especially useful in pinning down the interests of each person so negotiation or conversation can start from there.
I'm really wishing you luck, and that she is as willing to stop and look at your needs and desires too and remember you deserve a lot of slack for the game changing play she threw out there.