Originally Posted by Anneintherain
I am not sure how you approached it, perhaps what she heard was "this is only OK if we have a foursome (or you masturbate on stage) first" and it was so alien to her she shut down, perhaps having some of the same feelings you had when she first brought up opening up your relationship. Maybe if you bring it up again with a preface of "I understand this might not be what you want or are interested in, but I want to talk about our feelings about all the aspects of this, and I am open to listening why you don't like my ideas, just like I hope you are open to listening to why I don't like yours, my goal isn't to talk you into anything, but to see if we can find common ground and build from there"
The way I brought it up was to ask her what it is that she is interested in experiencing with other potential partners. I gave her the space to express her desires, then commented on them by expressing that I wasn't comfortable with that yet. She asked if I had given any thought to what I might be comfortable with. I had thought alot about it. I told her that any seaway into polyamory would be easier for me if she were part of it and I used the example of a foursome.
It really does intrigue me and I was just being honest with her. She shot it down without a thought (or so it seemed) and I was left feeling like I don't have a say in how this works between us. Aren't my desires for experience valid, too?
I wasn't crazy about her having sex with other men, but in the interest of not being a closed-minded partner, I listened and didn't say "no" to anything she broached. I just wish she could have afforded me the same courtesy because now I feel rejected and angry.
Why doesn't my voice matter? Shouldn't this be a partnership where we both decide what works for each other? I feel like she wants me to go along with whatever she wants without compromise or concession to my own desires, concerns or interests. Why doesn't what intrigues me matter?