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Old 12-23-2012, 07:32 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default She didn't handle well at all

But it happens a lot, and it is definitely more disappointing after things seemed to have gone so well. I don't think a reply would be considered "barging in" however it really sucks that once trouble flares up with emotions and the communication is electronic even if you know someone really well what is really going involves guess work.

It is a shitty when people treat you like that, but it does sound sorta final and if they are going to be that silly about it, you'd be better off not being friends with them.

An understanding reply that may bring them to their mature senses might be,

"Relationships that include intimacy are never roses without thorns often hard enough to keep them healthy just between two people let alone three. You need to feel safe and secure and when you don't something as nice as friendships or as wonderful as Love can damage Us, so I understand if you don't feel safe and secure that you need to make decisions in your life to feel safe. So that Love can remain wonderful. I just want you to know that I would never want to hurt your relationship with your husband. Polyamory simply isn't for everyone and if it is not right for your marriage there is nothing you or anyone else can do that will make it work. The ONLY people who can know whether or not it is right for your marriage, is you and your husband. I really enjoyed my time with both of you and I hope you know that even for spouses whom polyamory does fit into their lives, intimacy is never a flower without thorns. If this is just a thorn, I completely understand and willing to talk. If you are not sure and want to talk about it, just know I want to talk because I want you to feel safe. You should never feel like you need to hide your emotions even when they are not convenient. When you genuinely care about another person you do not want them to go through not feeling safe alone. So if you to talk, just know that I am willing to figure out a way that we all felt safe enough to express how we are feeling, I would want you to feel safe enough to be able to tell me anything. To me that is intimacy, that is my goal with my relationships with people I desire to be close with.

If you know this is not just a thorn, as in you think polyamory would never work in your life, there is nothing that I can do to make you feel safe.

You still come across to me as someone I would want to be close with, but if that is not something that is compatible with your marriage then it that is the way it is. If you know the flower our relationship could bloom into is not something you want, I understand. But I will put on my gardening shoes and do what work is needed to give the plant a chance, if you think you want to try and are just as curious to see if a beautiful flower is possible, let's see what will grow in a three person garden where we are the nutrients. But I will respect your feelings, which communicated a relationship with me is not something you are OK with.

I hope you are well and at that your marriage is always a relationship you will feel safe in. I think everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationships.

Remember there are always reasons for people to smile. You just need to understand those reasons

Happy Holidays

from so and so"



But do not forget the hurt your are currently feeling if she gets over her insecurities, because once this type of thing that is happening because a re-occurring cycle (where they treat you in ways that friends should not treat each other) they are not worth you putting any energy into the relationship. It is good to recognize when others will let cycles like that happen in your relationship because unless you are willing to put up with it, they are not your friend, and I would have no problem severing a relationship with people who do not treat you like a friend, even it is means not saying anything to them and just moving on.

Sorry you are going through this currently

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 12-23-2012 at 07:46 AM. Reason: typo
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