The only time Adam and Brian met was a brief introduction when Brian picked me up for dinner last year. Adam comes home sometimes on nights where Brian is still here, but usually goes onto his computer so they haven't crossed paths again. It's been going on two years and it's been bothering me a bit as the longer goes by the weirder I feel about them seeing each other in passing in the hallway or something...
Adam just didn't think they'd hit it off as friends & didn't have much interest in getting to know him, Brian seemed willing to meet but didn't seem to really care either way. I am HORRIBLE at being a hinge with people in general...never introduced friends to each other, or boyfriends to friends, if they weren't in the same social circle already. I get nervous enough just inviting a person to hang out at my house one on one if I don't know them really well. Don't mind if Adam has people over if I don't have to act as hostess unless I choose, but to co-host an event I really have to be in the right mind space. This means even though I would've liked to comfortably swing some casual get to know each other thing, with both of them lukewarm about it, it didn't happen.
All that said, I was talking to Brian last week about what I am looking for in any other partners I end up dating, a brief summary is that a dream dynamic would be somebody who is a good friend to me whether it be FWB or a romantic partner, who also likes Adam's company and would enjoy playing console games with him, and maybe has a partner/friend or two that would be interested in board game gatherings with all of us or just Adam depending. Originally I'd hoped that the three of us and Brian's wife would hang out and play board games since she has similar tastes too, but it wasn't in the cards (pun...) I also talked about how the amount of time I've been spending with other friends and family was making me think I didn't have the energy for another partner with everything being so segregated. I want friends, I want people do to hobbies with, and I want plenty of alone time too.
Brian suggested he was interested in some board gaming and maybe we should make it happen, though when I let him know I'd be nervous so to be prepared he seemed to think just the two of them meeting for board games somewhere might be better (maybe he thinks I'm going to freak out?) ouch! I get it, I've enjoyed meeting the people Adam is dating and Brian's wife one on one, without a third party there. Had a blast meeting one of Adam's girlfriends and her husband for board games, but I think three person dynamics are a bit harder on the person who's the hinge in the situation. I was really touched that even though OUR relationship is very segregated from the rest of his life, he was willing to offer to see about filling some of the friendship/people to do stuff with gap I have in my life
I asked Adam about it that night, and to my surprise he was down for the idea, either the two of them or all three of us. It's Christmas break and I think he'd like nothing better to spend the whole time playing video and board games anyway. So it looks like we are going to meet for several hours next week and have lunch and play board games at one of the local gaming taverns.
I don't know how it will go, the truth is besides a few minutes spent with Brian and one of his partners, the only interactions he's had with other people while I'm with him are wait staff and store employees, I am sure he will act differently in a group setting than I am used to him acting. Adam has what I consider a "professional persona" as he spends a LOT of time meeting new people for work, representing the company or not. While he acts one way with people he is comfortable with, I've been surprised at how different he can appear when interacting with others in certain situations - more like being on stage, less natural. I don't really like it because it doesn't seem like he's being himself, but I know I can act a bit differently when spending time with new people too. Hopefully if it's awkward it smoothes over quickly, board games are good for that.
Really my favorite early poly time was my third date with Adam, when he came up to watch a movie with me and my then husband Heath. I got to sit between them holding both their hands while we watched a horrible Troma movie. Things like that, naked hot-tubbing with Heath and his girlfriend (who was Adam's ex girlfriend) and Adam, spending solo time with the same girlfriend taking walks and going to the nude spa (hmm there was a lot of comfortable nudity at that point in my life), going dancing with Adam's other girlfriend and having everybody friendly and comfortable with each other - that is what I want my poly to look like. I don't imagine Adam and Brian are going to hit it off like gangbusters and end up great friends, but I am glad to have the chance to move from them being two guys who are just involved with the same person to at least being acquaintances.
I'd been thinking more recently over the last months about seeing if Brian's girlfriend wanted to meet for coffee - we had that intent a long time ago after we met briefly, but I got the idea we were just glad to have seen the other in person, and it was enough to make her comfortable that I wasn't a dick. She seems like a warm and friendly person but I figured she was busy and neither of us made the offer so it didn't happen. I think if the board games go OK I will check and see if she might like to meet (Hey, I know we haven't talked for a year and a half, would you like to go have coffee? :| ) since she likes board games too. I think 2013 would be a good year to become an extrovert.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 12-22-2012 at 09:59 PM.