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Old 12-30-2009, 06:02 AM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 297

This has been an amazing thread. And I've finally reached the bottom of it.

I am surprised to see DADT being discussed as a viable structure within a polyamorous relationship. In other discussions I've seen or participated in, it has been shut down nearly across the board as unhealthy. I feel joyful that it is not the case here.

I am a private person as well. I feel there should be boundaries between the relationships in a larger poly relationship unless all involved naturally feel comfortable getting closer. I specifically mean metamours here. I do not feel they have to connect to each other in any meaningful way. Or try to connect. It happens naturally or it doesn't. Because of this view I would not have a problem being with someone who has a DADT relationship once it was clearly known by all parties that more than one relationship existed around the pivot person.

There is also a progression of trust and intimacy for me. I share profound aspects of my life and myself with my love. I am in a dyad. We've been together for nearly 4 years and known each other a little longer than that. With someone new I wouldn't share as much until I felt ready.

Once while getting to know someone new, I shared something personal about myself and asked that it be kept secret. I was told that all partners would be told because they didn't keep secrets from each other. That really perturbed me and I did not feel inclined to share anything very deep about myself again because of the lack of privacy. It felt very uncomfortable and felt intrusive.

In the end striking a balance between everyone's comfort level seems to be the key.

Are you a polyamorist or non-monogamous individual between the ages 18-35? Are you located in New York State or the Northeast?
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~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~
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