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Old 12-30-2009, 06:02 AM
Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 297

This has been an amazing thread. And I've finally reached the bottom of it.

I am surprised to see DADT being discussed as a viable structure within a polyamorous relationship. In other discussions I've seen or participated in, it has been shut down nearly across the board as unhealthy. I feel joyful that it is not the case here.

I am a private person as well. I feel there should be boundaries between the relationships in a larger poly relationship unless all involved naturally feel comfortable getting closer. I specifically mean metamours here. I do not feel they have to connect to each other in any meaningful way. Or try to connect. It happens naturally or it doesn't. Because of this view I would not have a problem being with someone who has a DADT relationship once it was clearly known by all parties that more than one relationship existed around the pivot person.

There is also a progression of trust and intimacy for me. I share profound aspects of my life and myself with my love. I am in a dyad. We've been together for nearly 4 years and known each other a little longer than that. With someone new I wouldn't share as much until I felt ready.

Once while getting to know someone new, I shared something personal about myself and asked that it be kept secret. I was told that all partners would be told because they didn't keep secrets from each other. That really perturbed me and I did not feel inclined to share anything very deep about myself again because of the lack of privacy. It felt very uncomfortable and felt intrusive.

In the end striking a balance between everyone's comfort level seems to be the key.

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