Originally Posted by nycindie
Rjsolo, your posts are so illuminating and interesting! Thank you for sharing so much insight.
Thank you. I'm free to answer any questions someone might have. I very much enjoy the lifestyle, but I almost *never* talk about it, because it's very misunderstood. People always assume the husband is going to be wearing panties and tied up in the corner--and I can say that such a thing is as rare as full on dungeons for BDSM people. And most guys would be annoyed if anything of the like was even suggested.
Myself, personally, it's a very relativistic "submission" scenario. Yes, there is a good deal of teasing and mild humiliation at being subtly compared to a more aggressive and perhaps physically better endowed lover. But the part of the relationship most don't expect is in just about every other aspect of our life, even in terms of sex when her lover isn't around, she is very submissive to me. (It's a pretty complex situation, I don't want to drown anyone in details of a kink unless they wish to discuss it--just using myself as an example.) And, on the whole, I'm not at all "effeminate", even if I am more emotionally "in touch" with her (Not that there is *anything* wrong with guys who are. More power to whatever makes you happy.)
Anyway, the big reason I like discussing it with other Polys is that sometimes I find the situation and people that would enjoy playing the more subtle aspects of it, don't ever talk about it because the theatrics of the extremes on the internet scare them off. A lot of the times, ironically, partners who don't want to discuss it are the wives
who live in this situation, but they think their guy is all the sudden going to appear in a dress or worse
, that he's going to get hurt by it all. When really all he might be looking for is a little dirty talk about her dates and how "thrilling" they were, and is usually secure enough about himself that he knows this type of play isn't threatening to what they already have--rather it's building something new for her (Not unlike the broader concept of poly.)...Nathan and Aur's start, mirrored my wife and I's, and at least a few other couples that I know--so I have to believe it's a pretty common thing among Mono-Poly couples!