Originally Posted by Boxxer
> If and when to tell the children
Speaking from personal experience, there was a mixed response from our kids. My son (18) and daughter (15) took the news much differently than one another. Our daughter immediately hugged me and told me I was a great dad and husband for loving her mother enough to accept her boyfriend in her life. She wished us the best of luck and said she would be ok with anything we decided.
Our son, on the other hand, was adamantly against the idea of a poly relationship in our family and immediately began to indirectly "slut-shame" my wife and question my role as her husband. I quickly put an end to that and told him to show more respect for both of our decisions. He spent the next couple of weeks being cold to his mother but finally came around to accepting the idea. Months later, he actually began to enjoy my wife's boyfriend's presence in our family and even hung out together just the two of them.
So as you can tell, it isn't so cut and dry with children even within the same household. You just have to gauge your approach and timing with giving the news based on your children's level of understanding, maturity, and personality. I know both of our kids' personalities played a major contributing factor to how they ultimately responded to the news. Our daughter has a very sweet and nurturing personality which explained why she put her mother's needs and my desires above her personal interests. Our son is the more "aggressive" nurturer. He loves his mother very much and is very over-protective of her like many sons are and he said the thought of another man being in my wife's life besides me really irked him. Both my children eventually learned to accept Dan into our family not as just another partner for their mother but essentially another father figure they can look up to. Wish you the best