I am sorry you hurt and feel rejected. Sounds like things here moved too fast.
You sound like you could have gotten some expectations on the table at the beginning before becoming lovers with them --
- I don't mind being a secondary to start so long as it is working toward a co-primary open model.
- I seek a triad. I don't want to take the husband away. I respect her role as wife in this relationship, and I ONLY want to be there for both of them as an addition, NOT to replace her or her role.
- I have no desire for marriage or kids.
- If we end up breaking up, I want ALL of us discussing it first...or at least saying it to my face and explaining to me EXACTLY what she is insecure/jealous about. Not a text break up.
Is there anything else you would add for what you want in a triad relationship? How you want to be treated as a triad partner? We teach others how we want to be treated. That's how I want to be treated.
Gauge where your own willingness lies to continue this, and if willing? Ask where their willingness lies.
You could text her to see if they are willing to talk after new year. Everyone just take a time out over holidays and BREATHE. In the meanwhile, perhaps resources could help you?