The thing is, if OP should ask for what she wants, stressing how important it is to her, and expect to receive what she wants...doesn't the same apply to the various partners?
Are they on another forum somewhere being told to ask for what they want, stress how important it is to them, refuse to let anyone make them feel guilty, and possibly end the relationship if it continues to be a problem for them?
To me? It's the HOW. Are they asking like a request?
Or making a demand?
It is one thing to ask your partner something and present it as a request.
- "Would you be able/willing to spend Xmas with me?"
Partner is then able to say "yes" or "no" freely. You are willing to accept your partner's answer even if it isn't what you hope it would be. No string attached.
It is another to present it as a demand.
- "Spend Xmas with me or else I'm gonna guilt trip you and be all kinds of bratty!"
Even if the demand is not expressed in that clear of words, that is what it seems like is happening here. To "ask" and then apply guilt trippage or be acting out later if the answer is no? That's emotionally manipulative.
The OP is dealing with this:
I just feel like no matter what I do someone's going to get hurt and take it out on me either with over dramaticizing and saying things they don't mean about my feelings for them, or taking it out passive aggressively, or holding an internal grudge and unleashing it weeks later. :/
If the partners use emotional manipulation to get their way as a chronic habit? That's not a healthy way to be in relationship.
Hellokitty could decline invitations that don't fit in her calendar.
Hellokitty could invite the partners to find constructive ways to deal with their disappointment that creates closeness in the relationship -- like set a different
date to have special time together.
Rather than the partners engaging in destructive ways (temper fits, acting out, etc) that break down trust and hurt the relationship. If they chronically act out, Hellokitty will have a hard time trusting that they WON'T pitch a fit the next time.