View Single Post
Old 12-21-2012, 07:27 PM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
The thing is, if OP should ask for what she wants, stressing how important it is to her, and expect to receive what she wants...doesn't the same apply to the various partners?

Are they on another forum somewhere being told to ask for what they want, stress how important it is to them, refuse to let anyone make them feel guilty, and possibly end the relationship if it continues to be a problem for them?
In my view, this is essentially correct except for one big thing. When you ask for what you want, it's not a given to get it. You get to ask for anything, but your lovers have a choice in whether they are able/willing to do that. That is where active consent comes in: you don't always get what you want in a relationship, but you do have the choice on whether that is something you want to live with or not.

For me, holiday celebrations with my love is a nice thing, but not a huge deal. I get that to some people that is. Then again, something that is a huge deal for me is having my time and autonomy respected by my partners. That is why pressuring/guilt tripping would be something that would make me seriously evaluate my relationship. Also, for me it is more important that my loves do what they really want to do than for them to be with me. That is also what I expect in return, support for my happiness and satisfaction. But, in the end, everybody gets to decide that for themselves, what is important and what is not. All we can offer is some advice, views and experiences; a sounding board in trying to figure out what is the outcome wanted.
Reply With Quote