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Old 12-21-2012, 04:58 PM
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PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 49

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
First of all, some people choose to participate in a poly relationship but, while poly-accepting, even poly-friendly, are monoamorous themselves. The point is you don't know and are making baseless assumptions. Second, do not put words in my mouth. Perhaps that's acceptable to some people you communicate with, but not to me.

By and large, you have shown yourself over multiple threads to have a problem with the ideas of non-hierarchical poly and solo poly. Not everyone enters into a relationship thinking that a longer relationship has precedence just because it is longer. A lasting relationship may or may not involve living together. It may or may not involve shared finances. You do not know the degree to which the individuals have chosen to entangle their lives; only that one relationship is newer than the other. You are, again, making assumptions. Just because YOU cannot imagine such a scenario for yourself does not mean such scenarios don't exist, and work well. YOU are the one bringing in the lack of equity into this discussion, because to you it seems impossible that the two relationships could be treated equally by the OP. I don't know if they are or not, but I at least recognize the possibility.

The concerning part of the OP's post is the guilt trips. If her partners can't have mature relationships where they can work out what works best for everyone without passive-aggressive behavior, guilt trips, and emotional blackmail, then the OP has way bigger problems than how to schedule Christmas Eve and Day.
OK, OK, let's lower the tone. I am sorry if I offended anyone, and I agree that I made assumptions I shouldn't have.

It is clear that non-hierarchical polyamory is not for me. It simply couldn't work unless I downgraded my present relationships (not only with my wife but also with my children), and I am not willing to do that.

Now, if I started today with a blank slate, who knows? But, on the whole, it would be unlikely, given my temperament.

I do, however, have one question aimed at anyone in such relationships: how do you find the time? Or rather, since you obviously do, do you also find time for other things in life, things that (for me) are essential for the good life? Hobbies, music, maintaining a web site, engaging in sports, getting together with non-relationship friends, or just sitting around reading a book? All this in addition to necessities like work, shopping, raising children (if you have them) and simply maintaining a home in running order. I don't have a poly partner, and am retired - even so, I don't have the time for everything I would like to do.
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