Originally Posted by kdt26417
Welcome to our forum.
I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here; look around and see what threads call to you; also any thoughts or questions you have, feel free to post.
How are things with the wife's lover? Any bumps in the road and if so, how did you approach those?
I'm glad you could join us.
Hi there. I definitely feel welcomed already. I guess I can give an intro to our situation and continue my life-story thread in the blog section I guess? My wife (Rebecca) and I have been married for 19 years. I'm 46 and shes 44 but we both look younger than our ages due to staying in shape and eating right. We met in college and fell in love almost instantly. We were and still are best friends to this day. We have an 18 year old son (away at college) and 15 year old daughter.
As mentioned in my first post, we ventured into polyamory by default due to a certain incident I had 2 years ago. Without wasting time and going into much detail, I'll just say that I was in a skiing accident that had injured my manhood parts. The outcome was depressing and tough for me to handle. Being intimate with my wife became very rare and at times because of the pain, almost non-existent for the first year after my injuries. But my wife being the perfect woman she is ,had no problem with my struggles. She was my rock and stood next to me the entire time.
But regardless of how well my wife was coping with my situation, I was still bothered by the thought of letting my wife down intimately. We weren't having the sex we used to have and I felt like I was unfairly "punishing" her for what I had done on my own accord. So 1 year after my accident, I sat Rebecca down and told her that I loved her too much to make her suffer anymore. I told her that I had thought it through and decided that I would be ok with her having another lover on the side that could better fulfill her needs than what I thought I should be doing. She said she didn't want to and that she loved me but I could see it in her eyes that my offer was definitely enticing. I told her to think about it and that she could act on it however and whenever she wants.
About a month passes, one day Rebecca tells me that she'd be going out to dinner with a co-worker from her firm that night. She dresses up very nicely with an expensive, fancy dress, great make up, etc. I assumed she and a gf of hers would be celebrating a deal that she had just closed with a huge corporation. She only texted me once during her dinner and came home at 3am. She was a lot more relaxed than she had been when she left and looked very happy. She came to bed and I asked her how her night was and if "he" treated her right. She was a little shocked and embarrassed at first but realized I was completely fine with her night with a male friend. We had a 2 hour conversation the next morning about him, what they did and what she expects their fling to go. His name is Dan, 44 years old, has worked with my wife for 5 years, divorced, in great shape and very good looking.
It turns out that he always had a thing for my wife since he started working at her firm. He would flirt with her knowing she was married but my wife being loyal as she was would brush him off. It was about 3 weeks after my offer for poly to my wife where Rebecca started opening up to Dan at work and having lunch together almost everyday until she finally had the guts to explain to him our situation and how she would like to pursue something with him and possibly see where it would lead. Luckily for the both of us, he was completely understanding and jumped on board right away. He told my wife that he would treat their relationship as if they were boyfriend/girlfriend and understood that I would still be a major part of her life. For the next 2 months, Rebecca and Dan would continue to date and develop their relationship. I had not met him yet at that point as my wife decided it would be best to keep him away while they focused on exploring the possibilities of a long-term relationship.
During this 2 month period, Rebecca would not come home once or twice a week because Dan lives about 30 minutes away from us and they would have sex at his place so it would be very tiring and time-consuming for her to commute back late at night after their time together. Our daughter, who lives with us, never suspected anything because my wife said that she'd be working late during those days and would be home after our daughter had gone to sleep. She would be back home early next morning before my daughter would realize she was gone all night. That routine eventually took its toll on my wife and at the 2 month mark, she came to me and said that she thought it was time to officially involve Dan in our marriage. I accepted full heartedly. I met him 2 months after their relationship began at our home. He was easy to get along with from the start and I had a hunch that we would have some hiccups in the short-run but would eventually work everything out.
The next day, Rebecca and I made two important decisions. First, that we would sit down with our kids and tell them what is going on. We knew that there was no way we could do something like this and have them not find out. The last thing we wanted is them finding out on their own. And secondly, both wife and I agreed to have Dan use our pull-out bed couch in our office room whenever he felt like staying over and additionally use some closet space for extra clothes and other stuff he may need. The latter went over very smoothly but the kids was harder as we expected. Our daughter and son took the news much differently than each other. Our daughter immediately hugged me when we told her and said that she admired my love for her mother to do something like this. Wished both of us the best and said that she would really be ok with anything we decided to do. Our son on the other hand didn't take the news very well. He thought we were being "stupid" and began to slut shame his mother and questioned my place as her husband. I was quick to tell him to quit and the conversation ended with him storming off.
Our son then became very distant and cold to my wife for the next 2 weeks. It was at the end of those 2 weeks where our son miraculously got on better terms with his mother and acknowledged that he was now ok with the poly arrangement and that he would be away at college most of the time so it didn't matter. Meanwhile, Dan began to move some of his clothes and things into our home all while keeping his home. He said he'd like to have some place he can go to that fully belonged to him when he needed the time and space. Since the day he "moved in," everything has gone very smoothly and nice. Dan understood that we were both sharing my wife for her love and affection and that there would be times that she favored me over him and sometimes where she favored him over me. I was her husband and he was her boyfriend and that was set in stone. The sleeping arrangement is decided by my wife to be fair to all. She and I share our bedroom bed together for sex and sleeping. However, the pull out bed in the office is too weak for sexual activity so I agreed to let my wife and Dan have our bed for intimacy but if she wanted to sleep with him through the night, she would share the pull-out bed with Dan.
The intimate aspect of our relationship has a lot of details and aspects to it but I won't go into full length to avoid making this longer than it is going to be but I don't mind answering any questions you all may have. We were all on a roll and everything was running smoothly with both relationships my wife was partaking with. The only issue I had with Dan since since this all started came about the 6 month mark. It was an isolated incident that led to he and I having a discussion regarding mutual respect and consideration. That day, he and my wife spending the night at his place. I had a very important question to ask her regarding our son's tuition so I called her about 5 times and it kept going straight to voicemail. Finally, Rebecca picked up on the 6th call and was out of breath. It was very clear that she and Dan were having sex. I told her that I didn't like having to try that hard to get a hold of her and she apologized and said they just got stuck in the heat of the moment.
I found out the next day that Rebecca actually tried to pick her cell phone up after the 3rd call but Dan insisted that they finish up first. I figured that he would realize that there was surely something important for me to call that many times but he didn't get the hint. We had a discussion about boundaries and limits and since that day, he has been doing great at maintaining OUR priorities. We have made sure to have full communication between the three of us and to not hold anything back if something must be said. And we all have our rules as expected. As far as other people knowing besides our household, my Rebecca's best friend, her sister, and Dan's ex-wife know about our arrangement. No one else has a clue and we intend to keep it that way. Up until recently, Dan and I have bonded very well as friends too. For instance, we both watch Sunday football together and even root for rival teams. My daughter adores Dan and sees him as a supportive uncle as does my son now and days. They have actually hung out together just the two of them and my son finally approves of him. There were 2 more milestones a couple of weeks ago. One, my wife officially said that she loved Dan both to him and myself. Two, our entire family (including Dan) went on our first family trip together to Miami. It was very fun and a great experience for all of us. This post is already too long so I'll try and cut it right here. If anyone has any questions or would like to know more about certain things, please let me know