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Old 12-21-2012, 12:55 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
If she is not poly, and does not want to "suffer" from time-sharing issues, why did she enter a relationship with someone already attached? Oh, I get it, it was love and she couldn't help it.
First of all, some people choose to participate in a poly relationship but, while poly-accepting, even poly-friendly, are monoamorous themselves. The point is you don't know and are making baseless assumptions. Second, do not put words in my mouth. Perhaps that's acceptable to some people you communicate with, but not to me.

By and large, I detect a lack of equity in this kind of discussion. Certainty of togetherness at some key times (holidays, birthdays, common vacations, events involving children) is part of the benefit of lasting relationships (AKA marriage, even if not certified by a piece of paper). Such lasting relationships have corresponding obligations as well, fair is fair.
By and large, you have shown yourself over multiple threads to have a problem with the ideas of non-hierarchical poly and solo poly. Not everyone enters into a relationship thinking that a longer relationship has precedence just because it is longer. A lasting relationship may or may not involve living together. It may or may not involve shared finances. You do not know the degree to which the individuals have chosen to entangle their lives; only that one relationship is newer than the other. You are, again, making assumptions. Just because YOU cannot imagine such a scenario for yourself does not mean such scenarios don't exist, and work well. YOU are the one bringing in the lack of equity into this discussion, because to you it seems impossible that the two relationships could be treated equally by the OP. I don't know if they are or not, but I at least recognize the possibility.

The concerning part of the OP's post is the guilt trips. If her partners can't have mature relationships where they can work out what works best for everyone without passive-aggressive behavior, guilt trips, and emotional blackmail, then the OP has way bigger problems than how to schedule Christmas Eve and Day.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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