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Old 12-20-2012, 08:42 PM
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Pretty big presumption, there. And even if she IS poly, how on earth is that relevant to who is available to spend time with one on a holiday? Whether poly or mono, other lovers or just friends might have their time already scheduled. Assuming that the gf could find someone to spend the holiday with (with the implication of "if she really wanted to") is a false assumption and does not help the OP. It doesn't take away from the fact that the gf wants to spend time WITH THE OP
If she is not poly, and does not want to "suffer" from time-sharing issues, why did she enter a relationship with someone already attached? Oh, I get it, it was love and she couldn't help it. You know, it's not as if such things haven't happened to me. I was once desperately in love with someone who had a solid boyfriend. She even reciprocated to a certain extent - who could resist my fervour, after all! But it was clear who had priority, so after a while I said to myself, enough of this craziness, and I forced myself to fall out of love. Just because she was prepared to spend some mutually enjoyable time with me didn't oblige her to spend Christmas day (or its equivalent) with me. My needs did not impose obligations on her.

And if she is poly, occasional loneliness is part of the price. Even on Christmas Day.

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By and large, I detect a lack of equity in this kind of discussion. Certainty of togetherness at some key times (holidays, birthdays, common vacations, events involving children) is part of the benefit of lasting relationships (AKA marriage, even if not certified by a piece of paper). Such lasting relationships have corresponding obligations as well, fair is fair.

If someone does not want such relationships because of the fear of obligations, I don't see why they should have the benefits either.

And if someone enters an informal poly relationship hoping that it will evolve into something else, it is a bit like playing roulette. I did it too in my time, and lost. Too bad, but not the fault of the other person.
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