Originally Posted by MeeraReed
I was also concerned that it was my problem if my therapist wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear. I thought that I had to face uncomfortable truths or something.
Oooo that is such a good point, and such a Catch-22 of therapy for some people.
In a nutshell, any therapist will tell you some things you don't want to hear. I know mine does. But for that to be "good for you," they need to be the right therapist. How do you know if a therapist is right? Sometimes referrals help, but even then... they have to be good for you
. Even a great therapist will be a poor fit for some people. A pair of custom-made Italian leather dress shoes can cost $500 and still be all wrong if you need steel-toed boots.
And to throw water on an oil fire, you need a certain level of mental health and self-awareness to determine whether it's the fit / counsellor who's bad, or just that you don't want to hear what you need to hear.
I remember a recent session I had... I was upset that my husband had started going back on some of his commitments (not major life things, just like... "I'll take your car in to get fixed" and then trying to get out of it). She said something along the lines of the reason I was upset wasn't that he wasn't keeping his commitments, but that I was reading more into his motivation for not keeping them. E.g. I was assuming that he thought his time was more valuable than mine. But that was my projection onto him, not his own words. So... I needed to change my expectations. Well HRMPPHH! I didn't want to change my expectations. I wanted to know how to get him to change his behaviour. But she was right. Next time it happened, I took the time to discuss his motivation. Turned out he had pretty good rationale, so we negotiated a compromise.