Originally Posted by samines
I hate it hearing that because I'm young, I should go practice dating mono for a while, or I should stay away from complicated situations- as if being older somehow makes the sacrifices more worth it? (I'm not saying that was what GalaGirl meant, but it's what her post triggered for me.)
Your triggers are your triggers, so fair enough... but GG wasn't suggesting that AnaLisa should go be mono. Just that this couple has a lot of baggage and it doesn't sound like they're doing anything about it.
I've seen her give the same advice to 40 year olds, so it's not about age. Some people just aren't worth it. People who drag you into their conflict, who push and pull you in every direction, who expect you to take all the flack... are not worth it.
In a nutshell, the problem in this situation is not caused by AnaLisa. She's caught in their whirlwind. As such, there's little to nothing she can do to change the existing situation. Samantha must learn to deal with her own jealousy. She must learn to make her words agree with her actions.
If AnaLisa and Sam have been together for 3 years and AL is 18 now, that means she was only 15 when they started dating. I'm assuming that means Sam isn't much older. I don't care if you think I'm being ageist: 18 is too young to marry. Your brain doesn't even finish growing until 25. At 18, you still have a biologically teenage brain. Shit, you have a literal teenage brain. EightTEEN.
Being 18 sucks. You're just old enough to think you're old enough. I know I was. I figured I had it all figured out. I figured I was sooo mature. My step-daughter is 19. She's the same way. It just comes with the territory.
Now I look back and LOL at myself. There's "mature for 18," there's "mature," and then there's "actually grown-up." And it's not until you get to the next stage that you can understand the difference. See, here I am, still thinking "I'm grown-up" because I pay bills, take care of a house, go to grad school, relate to other grown-ups... But I'm pretty sure that in another 10, 20 years, I'll look back at 30 and say "Man, I was still pretty dumb."