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Old 12-20-2012, 04:59 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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You wanted him, knowing he was a liar and cheater. You knew this because he lied to and cheated on his wife. I suspect a lot of other women, though, convince themselves that the wife is really the problem, that he's soooo wonderful, and because she (the other woman) is also sooo wonderful and loving and understands him, he'd never do that to her.

Well...yes, he would. Because the truth is, cheaters cheat because that's what cheaters do. Not because the spouse is awful, not because the new person is so wonderful, but because cheaters have no impulse control, they take what they want when they want it, they feel entitled to do so, and lie to the spouse so the spouse doesn't cause any unpleasantness. Because they found another woman who will put up with that and ignore the way she sees him treating a woman he claims to love and convince herself he won't do it to her. It's all about them and their desires.

So...you wanted him--a liar and a cheater, you got a liar and a cheater.

What do you do now? Do you convince yourself he's something other than what he's shown himself to be by lying to and cheating on his wife for over a year with multiple women? If you do, you'll continue to be on forums asking these same questions and telling the same sad tale of how he's doing to you what he showed you, directly, he is willing and able to do to a woman he 'loves.'

I hope you will take my next words to heart, because you have many years left ahead of you, and your decisions today determine the quality of those years. As I read through (and eventually skimmed) your first 8 posts, I read a lot of me, me, me, my, my, my, I, I, I, a lot of: Yeah, yeah, cheating's bad, it's wrong, I feel bad about it....but day-um, he's so hot, we really clicked, and the sex was so good! What do you really mean? That cheating's wrong unless you really, really CLICK?

May I just say (and I'd say it in a kinder, gentler way if I knew how) that part of growing up and developing character is seeing and caring how our actions affect others. Honestly, I just shake my head in sorrow reading your post, and have no real sympathy for you because you only care about his lying when it hurts you. Did you ever once think how his wife felt during that year he was cheating with you and apparently others, too?

I'm sure she had her suspicions. I'm sure she caught him in lies. He no doubt played the same mind games with her that he's now playing with you. What is she doing now that he's dumped her? Did she have to move out of a home she loved or go back to work to support their children? Does she maybe see less of her children because she has to be at work more hours? Has she perhaps suffered anxiety attacks herself as a result of his lies and mind games to her? What kind of stress is she suffering now, what kind of health issues as a result of stress caused by his cheating and the divorce and single parenthood?

What about his children? When my (now ex) husband stayed out for hours after work to see another woman, he not only cheated on me, but on his children who were home, waiting to see him, missing him, asking me every ten minutes where he was and when he'd be home, and I had no answer. I had only my fear that he was dead on the highway somewhere. My children suffered as a result of their father being absent and unaccounted for, and suffered a second time as a result of the stress, worry, fear, and anxiety his unexplained absences put on me. Did your boyfriend skip his children's important occasions to be with you? Did his unexplained absences harm them? How are they liking having their family ripped apart? How will his lies and actions affect them as adults? How will it impact their future relationship with him, or even with their future spouses? Are they developing abandonment issues, themselves, as a result of their father walking out on them?

If you're not sure, please look up one of the many forums for betrayed spouses and read up on the agony that they and their children are suffering. You took part in causing that. I do not mean to be unkind, but it is the truth. You will be happier when you face this head on and learn and grow from it.

And because water seeks its own level, when you do that, you'll also choose a more quality man next time, one who will have the same integrity and honor you have gained, and will thus treat you as every woman deserves to be treated.

Is this poly growing pains? No. It's the natural consequences of getting involved with a liar and cheater.
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