View Single Post
Old 12-20-2012, 04:52 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

Your OSOs know that they're in a poly relationship, right?

Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Ok, first question. How would you prefer to spend your holiday?

I wont be back to see your answer for awhile but I think that is the thing you need to work out in your head. Ignore all the guilt tripping (though thats something you probably need to be working on with them) and pretend they'd both be fine with whatever decisions you'd make, write out your ideal scenario. gf going with you to bf's family something you want but not doable? write out your ideal scenario that is possible in reality then

Think about that for the rest of the day and see how you feel about what you've come up with.
I heartily second this. I had a similar question, and someone said that to me (thank you whoever you were) and it brought me a great deal of peace to find that answer.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I just laid out our times and plotted rest days in between events. This helps keep us sane. And this means saying NO to some invitations to things because guess what? I value my health and well being.

Saying NO sometimes to partners helps build trust. They can believe you when you say YES that you really mean it, you really want to be there. You are not just saying yes because you don't want to say no and you do stuff you really do not want to be doing. That is not being a solid partner person.

Be a person of your word and don't devalue that currency by watering it down.
^ This!

Ours is turning out to be a compromise for all of us, and I'm so hoping it turns out well. CBF invited FBF to traditional xmas eve at CBF's mom's house. CBF is stretching to have all of us together, and me go home with FBF. FBF is stretching because he's such an introvert. I'm stretching with faith that my head won't explode when I have them both in the same room together. CBF's mom is stretching because this is a very different xmas than she's accustomed to (and I'm trying to convince them all to go home on xmas eve, so for her, waking up with only the dogs on Xmas day will be new). I think it would be weird for FBF, mom, and me to be having breakfast xmas day (CBF has to work).

It's quite a challenge for me; and when I read your story, mine seems like so much less of challenge.

I wish you the best in taking care of yourself. Remember, you get to be your own primary first.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
Reply With Quote