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Old 12-19-2012, 09:48 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Trying to feel my feet, live through my heart and consult my brain these days. My life is separating from others I fear. Darned abandonment issues. I realize its stupidity on my part, but I am immersed in it just the same.

Mono is going to spend time with his female friend and develop a friendship with her. He has decided she is worth the effort it would take with me to work on a friendship with her. All others are put on hold until such time as he feels like doing the work towards something more than looking and being curious. PN is talking about one of his female friends and is considering consulting her about something more. No one wants to end our family life and no one is leaving yet I am FREAKING the fuck out! I'm losing my mind with fear.

Please don't judge me. Something is wrong with me and I can't figure out how to cope with it or fix it. I hear people saying I am being hypocritical and that I have several loves so why shouldn't others, but that doesn't mean I am not emotionally moved by change and the process of incorporating others into our life through others. The threat is huge still, regardless. That change and what it means is still hard to adjust to. It makes me want to run, end everything, break up with everyone and live like a hermit. How cowardly that would be.
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-20-2012 at 05:32 AM.
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