Oh goodness, I've been feeling sad the last couple of days.
I had a sweet lunch with an old friend of mine and during it we were talking about the holidays. Brought back the sadness of last year. Mum being under so much stress and worry over Dad.
And Dad developing pneumonia - on Christmas day we visited him and spent an hour trying to waken him up enough that he could even see us. He never woke and was in hospital a few days later.
He never became fully conscious again. He was off his dementia meds, the pneumonia was never brought under control and in the end, the hospital stopped hydrating him. We watched him dehydrate to death over the course of a couple of weeks.
Things are much better this year but still - I miss Dad and wish he were able to be with us, dementia free and as happy as he always was.
He would have so loved this Christmas. My sis's parents in-law are 2 of Dad's oldest friends and sis and her SO have decided to invite the entire family for lunch.
So feeling a bit down - spending the evening knitting and then am going for a hot bath and a read.
So much sadness in love. And so much happiness - we're lucky to all get along, to be able to spend time together. I'm lucky. I will wake up in the morning in the arms of my SO. He does not celebrate Christmas and doesn't wish to join our gathering so he will stay at mine with my old, dear love and read.
When I come home, I will be able to spend time with him and with both my loves.
So sad and yet feeling very lucky all at once.