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Old 12-19-2012, 07:32 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Tamcat View Post
Is it wrong for me to think that this is not a good time for him to start a new relationship? Is it wrong for me to wish he'd at very least put off meeting her a month or so till he could help me work through my grief or is that too much to ask of him? I feel like, if he loved me like he says he does, that he'd be more concerned about me and how hard a time I'm having right now than in starting a new relationship, but I'm afraid they're already in NRE mode and I'm...already being pushed aside and it hurts terribly.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think it's important to recognize that he isn't really "starting" a new relationship. He's already started a new relationship. Now he's meeting her in person.

Is he being prince charming by being insensitive to your needs? No. But has he made any commitment to fill that kind of role in your life? From what you've shared here, it doesn't sound like it.

Is it "wrong" for you to want more from him? No, not at all. But... You wanting more, and him being emotionally capable of providing more are two different things.

People express love differently. People have different capacities to provide support and care in times of need. From your previous descriptions, emotions aren't his strong suit.

Meanwhile, what about your husband? Despite the fact that you're leaving the marriage, I wouldn't discount the possibility of putting that off for a little while, as you cope with your grief. Ask him for support as a friend. Despite the loss of romance, it sounds like you're still relatively close and that he might be able to help you out.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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