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Old 12-19-2012, 03:13 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,848


Just an observation.

A college age friend and I were chatting about her babysitting my kid, her school, her new job, etc. She was telling me how when she's feeling ok and all her needs met she's a lot like my kid -- totally into people and interested in what's going on with them. "People person, taking an interest" kind of vibe.

My kid is very into people. So into them it borders on nosy -- kid hates to miss anything!

Today I noted that I'm in that zone.

There's all kinds of wacky going on. Plumber came round to make holes in the wall to dx my pipe problems. Mom called to yammer at me about the family and its problems. Holiday stresses and things not yet done. Freecycling things out of here. People coming tomorrow to help with crazy house things. Errands, laundry, reports all not completed. I have to do groceries again for several celebration potluck things. My garden is neglected, my kid is energetic and running amok even while sick and coughing all over me. Spouse is trying to wrap things up at work before holidays and looking kind of run down so I'm concerned.

If my needs weren't met? All this stuff going on would make ma CRAZY. I'd feel sucked dry. I could not hover at that "self-transcendance" zone on Maslow's needs. Where I think beyond my own self.

College friend says she doesn't agree with all of Maslow theories. I agreed with her but pointed out easy tools like that where you and the person can LOOK at the same picture and just point and go "I'm here" makes finding common ground/language so much quicker sometimes. As just a tool, it's incredibly helpful.

So's the emotional guidance scale.

So's the "feeling faces" and all its versions you often see at the doc office, especially in children's doc office rooms. This one's one of the largest I've seen online. That kind of picture guide dovetails nicely with a feelings inventory list of words. Which in turn goes with the needs inventory.

There's a compare and contrast of emotion. Or Plotchik's wheel that presents emotions as this plus that one makes this one.

Most of the time, I know what I feel when I feel it. I can usually describe it to someone else and articulate it. (Usually spouse.) But I'm not really great at explaining how emotion A can lead to emotion B or C for me.

I can feel great passion of emotion (ex: anger) and it is easy for me to change gears to great passion of emotion (ex: lust, sex). But that's an easy one. The more subtle inner chess moves is what I would like to understand better about myself.

I've lived with the man for nearly two decades and I pretty much know most of DH's "tells" -- he's a lot more subtle creature than me.

One of the fascinating things to me in contemplating Opening is the reality of dealing with learning someone new. Their way of going. And appreciating for who they are in their context. Having to find common language and build relationship up, build trust up. From ground ZERO. Not just toward a friendship but beyond that point into more.

Is it fun? Or is it a pain in the ass? Or both? Heh.

DH and I did make it to non-violent communication class this month. The exercises there revolved around expressing needs as requests rather than demands. And when expressing the need, giving the full picture -- who, what, when, where, how and why.

Rosenberg doesn't describe it that way, but I would just to help me remember to "fill in the gaps."

It's fascinating to me to listen to the man.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-19-2012 at 04:00 AM.
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