Life has been so interesting lately.
My little solo trip was *awesome*, I visited five museums in four days and read a lot. Being on my own in an unfamiliar city suited me well, I loved the fact that I didn't have to compromise my whims based on what anyone else wanted to do. It made me wonder if solo poly is really what's right for me.
On the other hand, when Davis picked me up from the airport last night it was soo nice to see him. We spent a very pleasant and warm night together. It's so good to have someone who you know is devoted to you as their top priority. I've moved away from chronicling my relationship with Davis here... once I knew he could read it if he chose (though I don't believe he does), it just felt wierd to pick our relationship apart in this forum. Suffice to say, we've had our ups and downs. We're spending a few days over Christmas on a trip with his parents, it should be a good time.
Gia finally hooked up with Dexter over the weekend, while I was away. I could tell by something she'd posted on her blog. My immediate reaction was jealousy and resentment over the issues we've had around time together. I talked myself through it and moved on fairly quickly, didn't dwell.
A few things that came up via chat with her helped greatly --
1) She gave me a sexy and intimate task to complete in the next few months... sorry, no details
2) She told me that she'd like a threesome with me and Eric for her birthday later this week
3) She asked about a good time for a date for us next month. In the past, I've initiated those scheduling conversations. Moreover, she said that she'd hoped to do one this month, but that things were just too crazy (they really are, this month is packed for me as well). We had our most recent date last month, so if she was thinking about scheduling one this month, then perhaps she's coming around to the idea of once-a-month dates being the more reasonable course. That would be a huge relief.
Still, of course, I couldn't help but ask myself -- was all of that due, at least in part, to things with Dexter finally coming to fruition? Some combination of spillover NRE and guilt or obligation related to focusing on another lover when I've been here asking for more time? Again, I tried not to dwell on these questions, telling myself that it doesn't matter.
Today, she messaged me distraught and looking for comfort -- apparently things have been tense lately between her and Eric. She's been jealous of the intense focus he's been putting into his erotic connection with Helen, and frustrated with the way he's communicated about it, feeling overlooked by him. I counseled her as best I could, and then it seems they talked and made up a bit, so that was a relief.
After that mess had blown over, I confirmed with her that she had, indeed, gotten intimate with Dexter. She told me a few juicy details... nothing that would have broken his trust, but enough for me to know that she'd gotten what she wanted -- the experience of being with a man very different from Eric. It was clear that she wants it to happen again.
"Ok," I said, "my turn to be the one needing reassurance -- tell me that you want me, physically, for me... not because you feel like you owe it to me or because you know I won't be ok if you spend more time with Dexter like that than with me."
She wrote me a few paragraphs in reply, detailing how much she does want me. I thanked her, and said that I felt silly for even asking, but that it was very nice to read those things. She also brought up an interesting point, which she's touched on before but not gone into depth about -- namely, that her attraction to men has increased and her attraction to women waned to some degree since she's been off hormonal birth control. She emphasized that she still wants me, individually, but admitted that it's probably made a difference in her ability to easily express that desire. She said that she's planning on going back on at least a low dose soon, for multiple reasons, so it'll be interesting to see how/if that shifts things.