I haven't read most of the responses, but I'll respond to just this ,-
" But I am still very curious about proving or dispelling the myth of POLYS ARE TOOLS because they allow each other to be ignorantly used(or abused) for other's pleasure. And by ignorance, I'm talking about how even with 1000 poly beliefs someone might still be missing that aspect of themselves, that they are being taken advantage of."
If, within the boundaries of your relationship, your partner was allowed to be involved with others and you weren't? Then, yes, there'd be an argument to be made that you were being taken advantage of. But if you both have the same options on the table, then how can it be said that one person is getting taken advantage of? It seems to me that the burden of proof here is on the person claiming that somehow, in an equal situation, one person is getting the short end of the stick, since logically that just doesn't follow.
If anyone reacts as if you're a tool, then they're either confused about what's going on, or they maybe have some misogynistic idea like it's fine for a man to sleep around but somehow humiliating for him if he's with a woman who does the same. So, why would you care what someone like that thought? Maybe the real issuer here is just needing to not be so thin-skinned. On the other hand, if he's flat-out being rude or disrespectful to you (I didn't get that impression, necessarily, his response actually sounded pretty neutral, but maybe it was his tone of voice?), then I could certainly see not wanting him to be involved with my partner.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.