Well, inviting someone to have sex with your partner without any emotional or loving connection is treating her
like a tool, I think, and that's just being open, not polyamorous. No wonder he answered the way he did - the way you presented it, he was basically handed an opportunity to "play with" a "toy" or object rather than develop a relationship with a person (yeah, lucky girl she is
). I guess, if you view her as your property to grant permission for others to use, to give away or not, then maybe you could consider yourself a tool.